Submitted by admin on Sat, 2006-12-02 08:00. ::
I am a single mother of a 10-year-old and also care for my elderly mother. I have had a lot of stress in my life and have gained a lot of weight.
After much investigation, I decided to have weight-loss surgery to better my health and energy. I ended up financing the surgery with a no-interest loan for five years. I do not regret my decision; it has helped with my self-esteem and outlook on life.
My problem is a friend of mine now shuns me. I suspect it is because she did not agree with my decision to pay for this surgery. She is being married this year, and I would never give her advice on how to spend her money on her wedding or otherwise. Why would this person not be happy for me and support my decision that did not involve her?
If your theory is correct, it appears your "friend" was extremely controlling and is punishing you because you went against her wishes. Or she may have been somehow so invested in your remaining fat that your "escape" from that role is a threat to her, which would mean that she is competitive or jealous. Neither is a particularly attractive trait, and you are probably better off without this woman in your life. From my perspective, consider it another "health benefit" of your surgery.
Four years ago, I gave a bridal shower for our eldest granddaughter, "Liz," one month before her wedding. Two weeks later, they canceled the wedding. Liz did not return the gifts, nor did she write thank-yous for them. I was embarrassed by her lack of courtesy and appreciation to those who participated, as well as to me. Liz is a college graduate. Her mother, our daughter, knows better -- but apparently was not able to influence her daughter's behavior.
Soon afterward, the local daily paper had a series of articles on the frequency of wedding cancellations. It specifically said that unused gifts were to be returned, and that thank-yous were to be sent.
Abby, if another wedding is planned, Liz may expect me to host another bridal shower and include these same relatives. I plan to tell her that I hope to give one shower to each of our eight grandchildren, if I can. Am I being unreasonable?
I say it's rude for the shopper in front not to put up the bar if it's out of my reach, and I put the groceries on the counter, leaving an obvious space. Who's right?
Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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